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plain (Free verse) by blackball

i was left standing, by myself, holding hands with the air the bleak moon stared down upon me and seeing that i was a solitary figure, stood aside and let me be. i watched slowly as days went by, fluttering past at an alarming rate. my life is going by, i'm not noticing i'm noticing nothing but you indirect emotion lingering on your breath you didn't know what to say

<~> 27-Dec-02/11:39 PM
L1 &L2--you don't need both 'by myself' and 'solitary'.
L4: change to 'as days fluttered past'

i believe that's what p&k and h8 are suggesting, and i agree.




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