ecargo26 Dec 2002

I looked at this last night quickly (but won't score or comment when sauced and saucy) and it seemed cleaner. Did you repost?

S1: If you see, aren't you taking notice? (Do you really have yews? Not a tree I see a lot.) Is it really a slither you hear? Not a scurry or a scamper or something less "slitherous"? That's such a reptilian word, not one of furry beasts on cold, dry nights.

S3--what is the suffering unseen in daylight? I don't think a crunch can be lacy, though the dirt can be. Love honeycombed.

S4: s/b "bouquet." Like the oatgrass. Don't think "ethereally" works--actually, I'd drop the line and leave the stalks standing unaugmented. Also, "another night" seems to cry for a "but not this night." Dancing in the drought--meh.

Blue-lit labyrinths draws me in, but I don't think it needs the center so explicitly. Pare, prune, tighten.