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How my head feels (Free verse) by Adriaan

someone is making a cast of my brain. I can feel them pour the plaster in my thinking slows as my head is weighed down and then it stops while I sleep they take the cast away and pack it in a dusty hall with all the other casts they've made one for every overlong day

-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 16-Jun-02/5:35 PM
Don't you think "and then it stops" slows down the flow of the poem somewhat? I think what you're looking for is a sort of counter-rhythm, but frankly it fails. You fail.




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