necroscope710 Jun 2002

I did read the poem, and it comes off as though you are on the side of the builder, you certainly don' represent them as uneducated or wrong, you merely imply that they are there and what they do is ok. Besides, using the builder to represent the uneducated is the wrong choice, his underlings, maybe, but considering the schooling it can take to get to the point where you would be an architect or foreman on a construction job, they are generally far from uneducated. Also, i never said you couldn't say the words really quickly, but it makes the poem sound akward and generally detracts from it's enjoyability to do so. Poems shouldn't have to be forced or rushed, they should flow. That is part of why they aren't prose, stories can rush, they don't have to have a meter, they just say what they want and that's that, but poetry should flow, as yours don't, plain and simple.