Quarton3 Dec 2002

Some good lines and well written but too many cliches and overly mawkish. (caressed her cheek, touhed her lips, etc.) Try to express your feelings in a less obvious and/or more interesting way. Shining bright like sapphire stars is both redundant and meaningless. When something is shining, its brightness is assumed by the reader. Describe what is unique or perhaps original about her eyes and do away with overused phrases and imagery. Good luck and as mentioned, you have a nice style of writing.