Replying to a comment on:

The Dawn Of Darkness (Free verse) by Dariana

It is the dawn of darkness, and the night has come again. And with it comes my fears, my agonies, and pain. I am frightened by the shadows, and the sounds of roaring wind. Just like that night so long ago, when the horror first began. It was like so many other times, that I went walking in the park. It appeared to be desserted, and then I saw you in the dark. Your face was masked in hatred, your knife tight in your hand. Why did you not just take my life? Or was this what you planned? I live those moments every day, and now am haunted by the night. I cannot seem to get away from the panic nor the fright. To sum it up, you stole my life. It is a game I will never win. Because it is the dawn of darkness..... And the night has come again.

darren67 6-Oct-02/9:40 PM
Thanks for your comments.

Ummm I hope if I make a couple of suggestions you won't be offended (I fully admit I know nothing about poetry) But if you changed the line ending "horror first began" to "horror did begin" you get a closer match in rhyme.
Also the last line should end in the word 'sin' ... something about the night bringing sin maybe
Just a couple of thoughts ( :




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001