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Colloid (Free verse) by skaskowski

As it rains outside The drops are like tiny fragments of water Falling like objects that are dropped... Inside the house, The fireplace crackles With a sound like burning flakes of wood. Inside my chest, My heart beats Like a routinely contracting muscle. Outside my chest The light bulb glares Like a radiant object of luminousity. Outside the house The thunder echoes Like a great booming of atmospheric origin. Above the cloud The moon still shines Like an object reflecting sunlight. Inside my brain I feel a thought Like a synapse firing an electric charge And i hear the sound of a car Rolling away like an object on wheels...

ErgoErgun 13-May-02/12:21 AM
Every word should have meaning to the integrity of the poem.
"As it rains outside
The drops are like tiny fragments of water
Falling like objects that are dropped..."

Telling me in a banal way what rain is isn't going to get you high marks. Remember to cut out everything that isn't needed, and say what is needed in the most beautiful way possible (that includes the obscene only when called for).




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