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Trespasser at the Men's Bathing Pond (Free verse) by Christof

Without permission you dropped a stone Into my pond. Like flesh on bone The water wrapped and sucked around Until it drowned But only a ripple, a tiny wave And a ripple betrayed its grave. A pinprick in the fibrous part Of cortex where desires start Even now spread out to claim My entire brain But gently, mind, a supple wave So softly sharp and slyly brave.

god'swife 23-Sep-02/6:58 AM
I voted on this but hadn't commented. The title is a stranger to me. I assume the stone-dropper is in S1 is the premoter of your desire in S2 but I keep picturing a man so it puts me off. I prefer S2. Line 4 seems unnecessary I read it without L4 and (spreads) in L3, but that just means I transformed it into something more mine. I particularly like the last line. You have to be brave to rouse another's desire. I haven't seen too much expressing that.




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