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Tugboats (Free verse) by poetandknowit

The fish factory's stack spits thick steam, smothering air with smoke and the stink of baking snapper and salt water herring. Packing machines stifle waves spilling, painting sand smooth. Gulls splash for dogfish or starve or kill each other hovering above, waiting for disposal. I pull a half pint from my lunch bag. A tugboat guides a crab ship to port, preparing for a new shift. Men gather around the factory door, soundless - ragged flannels concealing pale bodies burning from boiler heat, stitched hands and scabbed fingers fresh from paring tables. Skin soaked with the stench of rot that never goes away. I sip whiskey as the morning horn screams. Night men file out defeated, bodies reflecting gold in the sun. My pop walks among them in slow rhythm with the machine beat, his face stone from sneaking booze at break time, eyes tired. When he reaches me he says nothing, just takes me in his arms - wet from his skin cleanses me, sweet liquor on his breath. Then he moves toward home as I follow the single line straight past the time clock, into the ocean.

Mentor 21-Sep-02/7:00 PM
BORING. an ineffectual, blatant attempt to overwhelm the audience with overpowering imagery. SUBTLETY is crucial in a piece like ths. Not to mention that the thought process is fragmented and unrefined. Amusing to read the comments, especially the one that says (and I quote exactly):"You're so predictable. I don't have to look things up, well sometimes to make sure I'm not mis-spelling them. The words I used are far from big. Trinity Juvenile Fatuity. Are you home schooled? Does your fundamentalist mommy waiver between punishing you to keep you out of the eternal pit and licking your genitals? Hard to get an adequate education under those conditions.
Reply ". ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!! You should really be posting on a comedy site, not on a poetry site. Someone claiming to know English, and look words up to avoid misspelling them, then turns around and puts punctuation where none is needed and then goes so far as to use the worng word altogether!! Oops..or did she just misspell "waver"? I suppose we'll never know. I have written my own verse, and to be quite frank, would rather not post it anywhere if the alternative were here, simply because the so-called poem I just read is so uninspiring and obiously neurotic as to cast a palpable pall on any kind of quality work.




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