razorgrin18 Sep 2002

my necrophilia poem was better. the "limp hair" bit makes me think of a shampoo ad. "stand up and at your open coffin and smile"is a little awkward."I look at how your eyes gently fall upon the other." makes very little sense. Also, a body in a coffin has been embalmed. its lips aren't salty, they're chemically. They're only salty if they're very fresh, more if they're sweaty or bloody or have tears spilled on them. I'm only saying, objectively of course, that you should get the mechanics of death right before you write.