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lovely (Free verse) by pink_punk_kisses87

As I watch you sleep I look at your lovely brown hair. I gaze at how graceful your hands lay. I touch your soft pale cheeks with my fingertips. I look at how your eyes gently fall upon the other. I run my hand through your fine limp hair. I smell the sent of your sweet light skin and fall in love with you more. I kiss your salty full lips and then stand up and at your open coffin and smile.

razorgrin 18-Sep-02/6:55 AM
my necrophilia poem was better. the "limp hair" bit makes me think of a shampoo ad. "stand up and at your open coffin and smile"is a little awkward."I look at how your eyes gently fall upon the other." makes very little sense. Also, a body in a coffin has been embalmed. its lips aren't salty, they're chemically. They're only salty if they're very fresh, more if they're sweaty or bloody or have tears spilled on them. I'm only saying, objectively of course, that you should get the mechanics of death right before you write.




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