Freethinker16021 Apr 2009

it's not so terrible, has a good ring when read aloud. gets mundane in the middle and not as good in the end. the beginning is good. don't listen to those jerks. what may help also, right in a code,images. say the person has blue eyes, you could write
"lovely blue jay
you flew away
before you even landed
you left my branches bare
i tried to catch you
but you're too cunning
emptiness makes my heart tare"

just a suggestion helps make the poem reading and writing more fun and interesting.