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Shiver (Free verse) by Skamper

brittle hands grasp the meaning behind his undertaker’s smile she labours in the loosening he's giving chances existances competing breath saccharine sickening fingers driven free the aromatic pleasures of the dead creating monuments he tongues her skin issue slick dripping cold walk comforts trailing patterns set by the unforseen he finds her beauty stilling

Skamper 28-Dec-07/11:34 PM
swapping to competing existances reads to me like a race, rather than a statement of how it is. fingers driven explains the fingers are being driven by something without his control whereas driven fingers, to me, seems to imply he has control. hyphen dropped as well as line 14... 13 stays, I like it. :)
Thanks for the input - well appreciated as always.




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