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The Friendship Storm (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0

On with life our friends will go Embarking on a new road Fluffy White Storm clouds cluster in the sky Blocking the sun from shining down on their lives Love hides in the dark rain The Lovers remain separate as the storm reigns Lighting Shatters the heart in half Thunder thrashes out on it's soul mate The storm blows over Leaving in a rush to tear another lost heart into shreds The sun pours it's love and warmth onto the Victim's wretched luck The paths connect back at the start Now these lovers must never part

Musicman 24-Oct-07/4:32 AM
This one has potential. I do not understand the caps on "White Storm", "Lovers", "Shatters and "Victim's". I also feel that the this would read better with shorter sentence structure, i.e.
"The lover's remain
separate
as the storm reignsd.
This poem does not need to rhyme and word choice, especially in the last two lines would make this an excellent read. Also, don;t worry about rockmage and his incessant need to be noticed by giving Zeros. No poem deserves a Zero unless it is so esoteric no one can decipher it or the form and structure is so bad that the writer needs serious help.




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