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Never Let Go (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0

The crystal clear water stands still beneath the serene sunset His blazing blue eyes stare deep into her lost soul Piercing through a blanket blocking out all human existence The wicked wind whips sand through their ceaseless love Never diverting his attention away from her fragile heart She fine combs through the coarse unending sand, fingers soothed, loosing all memory of the past He grasps her delicate hands, wishing she would never let go, would never push his constant adulation towards her away He's her foundation, standing firm and strong, wrapping her pain in his mighty arms A tear outpours down her bitter face like rain on a cold, dark, dreary night Releasing her all, letting the trials, tribulations, and misery break down into fleeting pieces, never to be seen again The veil falls down, fighting against the Devil's enticement, afflicted on her despairing spirit A promise is a promise, he never released her hand from his perpetual protection The sun rose the next morning, reflecting it's warmth and light, wiping away all the dread of what is to come tomorrow.

Ranger 21-Oct-07/1:35 PM
Intransit's given the comment that you need to be going on with for now. This doesn't deserve a 0 - it's got the basics of metaphor and vivid imagery in here, and that counts for something. What you need to do now is learn to control those things, make them subtle when appropriate, direct when appropriate. A lot of people will tell you that you have to write "from your own experience", but to be honest that's a load of tosh. While you're learning the trade it's just as easy (possibly more so, in fact) to write about something that you haven't had first-hand experience of. You clearly know a few poetic devices (lots of alliteration in here), now you need to work out when to use them. Listen to the sounds and cadence of the words and, more than anything, devour some of the classic poems so you have some good examples of poetry to work with.

-8- because I'm nice like that.




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