Replying to a comment on:

Never Let Go (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0

The crystal clear water stands still beneath the serene sunset His blazing blue eyes stare deep into her lost soul Piercing through a blanket blocking out all human existence The wicked wind whips sand through their ceaseless love Never diverting his attention away from her fragile heart She fine combs through the coarse unending sand, fingers soothed, loosing all memory of the past He grasps her delicate hands, wishing she would never let go, would never push his constant adulation towards her away He's her foundation, standing firm and strong, wrapping her pain in his mighty arms A tear outpours down her bitter face like rain on a cold, dark, dreary night Releasing her all, letting the trials, tribulations, and misery break down into fleeting pieces, never to be seen again The veil falls down, fighting against the Devil's enticement, afflicted on her despairing spirit A promise is a promise, he never released her hand from his perpetual protection The sun rose the next morning, reflecting it's warmth and light, wiping away all the dread of what is to come tomorrow.

INTRANSIT 19-Oct-07/1:53 PM
Ok, Larry. I can call you that , right? I think i know what the problem is. It was your training. I'm betting that somewhere in grade school your teachers introduced you to poetry with childrens books and such.Innocent as it may seem (and it was), they failed to continue your education in poetry, leaving you singing "jingle bells" in a world that sings O-Tannenbaum. I think there are an incredible amount of us that had that happen. I know I did. And as such, I'm relatively "tone deaf" to poetry. The good news is, it's fixable. We just need to be reprogrammed so to speak. This isn't going to happen overnight, so be patient with yourself, the media (books), and your teachers, however they may come to you. Or at you, as may be the case occasionally. Let's get started.

First, Let's talk about end-rhyme. If you read a poem out loud, ACCORDING TO THE PUNCTUATION, you'll see, or hear rather, that the rhyme almost disappears. Again, your teachers put unnecessary emphasis on the line ends, when they read. Like if every time you read a line and then banged a pot before going on to the next line, eventually you'd think that pot-banging was part of poetry.

Now, Lets lighten up with sounds. Look at the ends of lines 1 and 3 in this piece of yours. Serene sunset/ human existence, kind of echo each other a bit. THAT is how I want you to reprogram yourself. No stress. Don't force the rhyme, just listen for it. No need to put it at the end of your lines either. Keep them close to each other, but let them wander a bit.

Try free rhyming. This is fun. Watch

El Bandolero
Tell benny, you lose
Kill bunny shoes
Fell the low sand

The sounds of the words don't have to be in the same order either. As long as there's some replay of sound, you're rhyming. It just takes practice.

Forms are another animal altogether. We'll talk later about those. Hope that helps.

P.S. One more thing. If you're serious about learning this art, you're going to have to like pain, and, revise revise revise.

Later dude.





Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001