Poemranker [Replying] Sun Nov 24 07:13:25 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Between two Truths (Free verse) by Dovina

Iâve pedaled a swath of southern hills they call the Bible Belt. Saints and sinners defined by creed, the kinds of churches like colors of cars. Cigarettes are always welcome, and beerâs against the law, but a house in Butler holler gives comfort from the cross, Southern Comfort on the rocks. Here I find a sweet relief. Jesus and home folk hear it all, and know a truth a preacher taught, but not the one He brought. I came to bring you life, He said, but dogma holds them back, holding forth the word of church rejecting one great offer.

-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.

12-Sep-07/3:41 PM

This morning I entered my drawing room and saw that someone had left a Bible on the chaise longue. Trembling, I opened that Book at a random page, and was confronted by this:
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[1 Samuel 5:6] The LORD's hand was heavy upon the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors.
[7] When the men of Ashdod saw what was happening, they said, "The ark of the god of Israel must not stay here with us, because his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god."
[8] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and asked them, "What shall we do with the ark of the god of Israel?" They answered, "Have the ark of the god of Israel moved to Gath." So they moved the ark of the God of Israel.
[9] But after they had moved it, the LORD's hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors.
[10] So they sent the ark of God to Ekron. As the ark of God was entering Ekron, the people of Ekron cried out, "They have brought the ark of the god of Israel around to us to kill us and our people."
[11] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and said, "Send the ark of the god of Israel away; let it go back to its own place, or it will kill us and our people." For death had filled the city with panic; God's hand was very heavy upon it.
[12] Those who did not die were afflicted with tumors, and the outcry of the city went up to heaven.
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That's the New International Version. Probably most amusing is the 21st Century King James version, which substitutes "hemorroids" for "tumors", and contains my favourite Bible quote of all time:

[1 Samuel 5:9] And it was so that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction; and He smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had hemorrhoids in their secret parts.

As if hemorroids in their secret parts (as opposed to where, exactly?) wasn't punishment enough, in a final act of spite the Lord demands a guilt offering from the Philistines consisting of "Five golden hemorrhoids and five golden mice" (1 Samuel 6:4). Firstly, I can't think of anything worse to model out of Gold than a hemorrhoid (apart from a tumour, perhaps); and Secondly, how can anyone of non-demented moral intelligence read guff like that and call it gospel?

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