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The Happy Side of Misery (Free verse) by Dovina

On a country road in mid-Virginia, a cyclist pulls another hill, past a house with mammoth lawn, a dairy barn behind. Oaks and poplars catch the sun and glisten with the grasses, soothing tired eyes with forty shades of southern green. Bovine eyes look up from munching, distracted by a passing beast, a strange one this, not making sense. Free from fence and milking, instead of lying in the shade, she pants a lonely hill. Rebuke arose as proud I watched them, a preacher in a wandering soul. You fear the pain of flimsy fence, perform the duties you suppose your hometown breed imposes. Then came to mind the antsy spirit, wrestling with norms, how I give so much for danger and magnify the little gain. In weariness of afternoon, as alcohol, so legs draw concentration, leave the brain to wander and strain to hold the narrow way, no shoulder, but a drop-off, a coal truck bearing down. Here I go, a long new road, like going back again, not so sure this hilltop hides just another downhill ride.

Dovina 28-May-07/9:23 AM

“’Bovine eyes’ sounds wretched.” I used “bovine” to avoid what I thought was the wretched sound of “cows.” Maybe I made it wretcheder.

“’Free from fence and milking’ sounds terribly clunky.” I admit to often sounding clunky. The sound of poems is a thing I’m working on.

“What is wrong with she pants (UP) a lonely hill instead of lying in the shade.” That’s a good suggestion; better than the way I had it. I don’t like “up” though – sounds clunky. I’ll change it to ‘she pants a lonely hill / instead of lying in the shade.’
“Anthropomorphism is dodgy at the best of times but even if we attribute thoughts to the cow, why would it assume from seeing a human cycle up a hill that she was 'free from milking'” Those bovine eyes stare at me with the provincial look of someone who always lives by the norms and never ventures. Such a person complains about the milking tubes her owner attaches to her tits twice a day and about the fence that holds her in, but she never really wants it any other way, because that’s how dairy cows live.

“From their perspective you are behind a fence too.” From their perspective, I am free from the fence, which they know every inch of.

“The cows rebuked” Maybe I didn’t make it clear, but the cows are not rebuking, the cyclist is. She preaches to the cows - a daft idea, perhaps, but each to their own.

“I would say in the alcohol of afternoon, then you have a metaphor for the weariness and blurriness. As it stands it reads that legs draw concentration like alcohol draws concentration.” Actually, that is what I mean. Working legs draw blood from the brain, which in the weariness of afternoon, after cycling most of the day, has an effect on the brain similar to drunkenness. Still, I like the way you phrase it. I’ll change it to “In the alcohol of afternoon, / legs draw concentration,”

Thanks for your comments.




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