richa30 Apr 2007

I don't know what the hell is going on here. The stuffy beige of what? How are windows unbuttoned, are they windows or shirts? How are voices sweaty? We still don't know where we are when you talk about big breaths bottles, lined up like a squadron. If the poem had a better sense of place the reader may be more inclined to explore these metaphors but as they stand they just look like gibberish. 'Their wrists are taut' the 'their' is meant to be about the students (I hope) but the students have not been mentioned since stanza 1. Verses 3-5 are a perfectly lucid poem in themself but verses 1+2 fail to impart much meaning.