Ranger29 Apr 2007

That's more info than you've paid for.

But anyway. You tell too much and don't say enough - the poem's either surface-shallow or it's not made me curious enough to venture further into it. The beige is stuffy, the windows are slightly unbuttoned, the voices of students are sweaty...so? It reads more like prose than poetry. That isn't a bad thing unless you're aiming for a poetic voice, in which case it is a bad thing.

'Blinding light' = so close to being a Dylan Thomas reference that I'd either change it or follow it up with a tactile reference to him. It just seems unnecessarily derivative as it is. I don't think you need the repetition of 'books on', my preference would be for something like:

books on Dryden,
(hobbies, theories,
laundry lists and sex life)

...or something like that.

Anyhoo, blah blah etc. etc., you can probably guess the rest of the stuff I'd have to say. It wouldn't be particularly interesting, so I'm not going to say it.

The final stanza is ace though.