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A twisted Trail in Eden’s Garden (Free verse) by Dovina

Sin is crouching at your door— she heard it said to Cain. His mother, Eve, remembers well the day she sat there crouching, halfway through a tasty sin. Suckered, sold and saddened, by verdict, vouched and valid, she lingered just for one last treat, sweet sensation, lone indulgence before the exit, slam and lock, thorns and sweat outside the gate.

Ranger 25-Mar-07/12:57 PM
I thought the title said 'A twisted Trail in Edna's Garden'. How terrifying would that be? As for the poeme itself, it's well written. If I were to be picky (and I am) then my only suggestion might be to change 'before' to something that doesn't start on a soft stress. It's not a particularly important crit though.




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