Replying to a comment on:

Whispers the Pariah (Free verse) by Enkidu

Dispose of this insipid wretch Don't listen to him prattle Would you prefer his serpent gab He'd most prefer a battle Of tongue Of wit Of liquid charm His clamor ripe with pins Deception paints his pallet Whilst crude light Bursts from within Just listen to his fallow fancy Be so rapt and coy Lie in sheets of poesy Asphyxiated by his ploy Mountain gives to suckling shore As gloaming prays for sun So whispers the pariah Of your fickle flesh undone

Skamper 23-Mar-07/9:41 PM
Nice/twisted/descriptive and fast!
I like the suckling as it feels like the shore is a parasite on the mountains it washes upon.
Not sure about using 'from' in the line...bursts from within...Reads just as well without, humble opinion only.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001