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Tide (Free verse) by <~>

Sitting on the seawall Before the summer storm she said Something's slipped away Seven months slid by, and Snow laces the tide and Rides the currents in the greyed sky And chills my cheeks, burning Finds me drifting in memory and Furious with my own leaking With all this seeking a Meaning

[mojo] 14-Sep-02/1:25 AM
Yes, that's what I thought, I was just testing...but still, I don't know..leaking...makes the narrator appear as an object rather than a person, it's very dehumanising. Maybe that's the effect you were after, but it looks a little as though you were just trying to avoid "crying" etc. 'cos you find the "easier" choice of word "amateur". The beginning of the piece is very subtle, maybe a punch of plain old ordinary words at the end would give it a "kick". Anyway, of all the words you could have used...leaking....hmmmm. Then again it got me interested so what the hell. It's nit-picking at best. Nice work.




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