‘The horror the horror’ is our favourite line: not because we see it in our lives but because we do not. Late night trash tv and three minute pop songs articulate our days. Imagine being able to say ‘The Horror! The Horror!” And meaning it! That is not an option Which basically is the problem. But we are not like those who embrace the trash and make a virtue of it, We want more but cannot achieve it, Our inability killed western high culture Which is all we revered and it all dead now like Mistah Kurtz who we associate with Conrad and Coppalla equally Jim Morrison and Wagner But we still can’t explain the ending Poor old us. We can’t adapt. Only collapse. Said Orwell: 'Our civilization is decadent and our language... Must inevitably share in the general collapse.' I used to believe that I am perfectly adapted for these superficial modern times Happy with the high and the low The ancient and the modern. But my secret is this: I am out of step Yes, I can be clever and ironic But that’s not what I want. Instead I go to gigs looking for art and am disappointed when I find only entertainment. I joined a party to fight for socialism but found ideology was out of fashion and we’re all in the centre ground now. And I can do nothing and can create nothing of any real worth I go to church each week but don’t really believe in heaven hell resurrection divinity. Enjoy instead minutiae of useless theology. Pointless controversy. Though perhaps this is just the historicist excuse? I cannot succeed because of the times. Not because of me. Real rapture? Use fragmentation to escape my culture. Abstract disconnected must fucking try. And this is not even an attempt just an explanation that I expect to fail. Fingers now going numb from the cold So time to stop. Cannot even churn out crap any more.