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A Part of Me (Free verse) by Quarton

I once viewed the world in comfort with my beliefs though, I can no longer take refuge in them knowing there remains no sustainable thesis, no Gospel to safely build on-- initial premise fatally flawed. A crumbling foundation unable to support notions once perceived as fact, burdened by prior ideas of a universe out there, existing in seclusion-- now undone by the world of quantum. where all is transformed and unified. A fantasy-like state emerging from the ashes of Descarte who thought he was and, from his Cartesian view, therefore was. Though between mirage and reality-- like the desert traveler with cupped hands, yielding only undrinkable sand, lies the illusion of the magician's sleight of hand--things not always as they seem. While the quark and lepton dance hand in hand to the cosmic beat of uncertainty. Commonsense contradictions the rule, world transformed--fresh concepts born as I gaze skyward, now able to see-- the moon and stars are a part of me.

half.italian 12-Feb-07/9:15 PM
I like it overall. The puncuation and grammar errors throw me off though. If you are going to use form to help your poem, use it to make it more readable. The form here makes it harder to read I think. Also, "with my beliefs though, I can no longer take refuge in them knowing" This sentence is grammatically incorrect. I think :)




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