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David at the Firing (Free verse) by coldiron

Warily approach the golden boy, For in certain sunlight, he casts a dark shadow. He sits by the side of the throwing wheel--whirled droplets of clay spatter his feet. His hands, soaking wet, changing, shaping-- The pot Rising above the frenzied wheel-- Finished, To take his ashes.

richa 5-Feb-07/2:57 PM
The first verse-- dear God. The embdashes from then on are utterly misused (the one after shaping is ok at a push). The ending is too abrupt. Having said that I like the idea that they put his ashes in a pot he was shaping because he died at a potter's wheel. I would go for more descriptive language for how the pot is being raised.




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