Replying to a comment on:

The Mountain (Free verse) by Nicholas Jones

Ending, now: Turning around into sleeping, falling behind into dreaming, dropping alone into recovery. The ascent was most difficult, quite so, but we did not stop and I knew what I was about, even if you were scrabbling and moaning and wondering about the point. We reached the summit, collapsing into rock and vapour, feeling nothing but air and moisture, burning within the possibility. But, fuck, we were tired and I believed that you were actually dying, slipping across into torpor, sliding away to cessation because you did not understand. So we moved on, downwards, so quickly that now I do not believe we were ever there. But then I tumble into my mind, see the image of straining and fighting to do it, see you pale and living, flushed and dying, and mostly I remember that we did not speak.

Ranger 8-Dec-06/4:57 AM
You must have known that anonymous turd was inevitable. But hey. This is great, although 'around' (line 1) probably sounds better as just 'round', and 'I believed that you were actually dying' fucking creeps me out. It moves really well, really quickly, and the last line is a killer.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001