The Day Before Christmas On the day before Christmas, the gifts were a mess, The dog tore the paper; and peed on the rest. The stockings we hung by the chimney last year, Were packed up after Christmas, but we’re not sure where. Decorations and tree lights were strewn everywhere, The tree wasn’t up yet, the instructions weren't there. Our children were fighting but nine words stopped it short. "Got a message from Santa, he wants a report." A last-minute shopper and I fought for some tape. For a little old lady, she was in great shape. With presents to rewrap and the house a big mess, We sat down exhausted for a much needed rest. We decorated the tree; the children helped, too, They threw handfuls of tinsel, should hit the tree soon. The kids went to bed early, no sulking this year, Left cookies for Santa and treats for his reindeer. At the end of the evening, we snuggled in bed, Wanted a good night's sleep but the phone rang instead. "Who could be calling at this time of night?" Said, "This better be urgent!" and turned on the light. The North Pole was calling, confirming our order, Delivery by Santa, some still on back-order. I slammed down the receiver and turned out the lights; But after tossing and turning, rose for the night. Going for coffee, I heard a strange noise; Thought to myself, "Someone’s stealing the toys!" With a bat in my hands, I snuck down to see Santa placing the last gift under the tree. A creak from the stairway said he wasn’t alone But he just reached in his bag and threw Butchie a bone. He ate all the cookies and looked for some more, Put the treats in his bag and went out the front door. His strange exit surprised me; I wanted to see, Why he walked out of the house, not up the chimney. Donning a robe and slippers, I ran out the door, Saw his reindeer dropping 'gifts' by the score. "Stop right there, Santa!" "You're cleaning those turds!" But he climbed into the sleigh and flipped me the bird. I heard him exclaim loudly as he flew out of view, "I'm not cleaning that mess; the 'gifts' are for you!"