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Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) (Sonnet) by Schlinkey

He grieves the loss of perfect innocence; The nascent truth a herald's cries of war, For born into a world of violence, The infant quickly stands upon life's shore. Supplied and armed with faith and clad in hate, Evincing nothing more than broken hope; The gem of unity is left to fate. "How can we vanquish evil of such scope?" He ponders this, as suddenly his tea Blots out most every article of blight, A purging flood he failed to truly see. He does, however, feel a bit contrite. The coming of a new Deluge is near Perchance it's time for man to disappear.

Dovina 2-Dec-06/10:16 AM
You have the pentameter consistent this time. And it has the feel of old-time sonnets. But, again I find it constrained to the meter, and this time to the loss of meaning. For example, "perfect" adds little to "innocece" besides pentameter and overstatement. And "Deluge" has the accent on "uge." I could do no better with it, however, and think the best solution might be to give up on pentameter or on sonnet. Sorry, I have little respect for the form, and that's part of the problem.




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