Poemranker [Replying] Mon Nov 25 04:15:40 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Hiding behind the podium, holding on for support, she strove for brazen, but got the trembles. Millions of faces stared while she undressed on the high platform. Aware of her insignificance. As silent ridicule ebbed, the blur of faces cleared, her voice felt reasonable, she saw individuals, picked out a keen old man, tried to make him laugh and marvel. But his eyes fell down, she took her seat, and never read again.

Ranger

15-Oct-06/2:21 PM

Sure, finality can have a degree of uncertainty to it. Even with death, maybe it's not the end. But in the poem you explicitly say 'and never read again', which has a sort of post-apocalyptic 'never ever, not under any circumstances has she, does she, or will she read. Not once.' I'd like to see that tone built to throughout.
I am not a poet. I barely count as an apprentice. But at the moment I'm going all-out crazy on metrics; the more I look for, talk about, and criticise other peoples' use of metre, the better I'll become at it. I'll probably sign up to eratosphere tomorrow, it looks a pretty good place to go for improving. I'll stay on the ranker as well, but probably worry less about posting proper critiques, and more about the fun stuff like renga-writing.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

An internet tradition since June 9, 2001