Replying to a comment on:

A Poetry Reading (Free verse) by Dovina

Hiding behind the podium, holding on for support, she strove for brazen, but got the trembles. Millions of faces stared while she undressed on the high platform. Aware of her insignificance. As silent ridicule ebbed, the blur of faces cleared, her voice felt reasonable, she saw individuals, picked out a keen old man, tried to make him laugh and marvel. But his eyes fell down, she took her seat, and never read again.

nypoet22 14-Oct-06/1:27 PM
the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001