Ranger13 Oct 2006

Yes, nice. I like the opening stanza, although I think Dovina might have a point about getting a bit prosaic from 'Chills run you through...' to 'bathroom mirror'. After all, you start with the trademark 'Everyone mentions the weather', which has a really smooth beat to it - ONE-two-three ONE-two-three ONE-two (with the final 'two' being slightly more emphasised than the previous twos), so to lose/abandon that musical quality seems a shame, especially in a longer piece like this. Not that you have to stick to that rhythm for the entire piece, of course, but you know what I mean. No complaints with the content; I was intrigued to see 'a day deconstructed' (nice line, by the way) as I'm currently destroying my soul trying to write a poem inspired by/for Derrida.

However...given the first stanza (and the title of 'wolf journal'...and the fact I'm something of a Tolkien freak) I kind of hoped this would have a little more fantastical imagery. Maybe an alternative version could run that way?