Replying to a comment on:

Gilded Lily (Free verse) by drnick

Forgive my eyes for they not see your gilded image in mine memory. Forgive this tongue for it does speak those wicked words of honesty. Forgive a mind for it must be the knife I shove right through to thee. Forgive your heart it tends to bleed with socia-motional inadequacies. Forgive these feet as they must leave and the rest to follow appropriately. Forgive the path for it not heed upon reception of indolent apologies. Forgive yourself for you not need an ounce of common respectability. "Forgive Lily" as she will plea with innocent mask dishonesty.

Ranger 12-Oct-06/2:01 PM
I'm not sure where you're going with this. You're rid of do/does except for line 6 - I can't see a reason for it. It feels pseudo-archaic, is that the intention? I love the title, and also the repetition of 'forgive', it's kind of a sarcastic petition to a lord/lady/deity. Just the language feels uncertain.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001