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The Mandarin (Free verse) by Caducus

A half peeled mandarin brought it home to me She had left me. It laid next to the ring I gave her And five years of notes I wrote her, The kind only women keep. I walked upstairs noticing the vacuum cleaner Still warm from principal And in the bedroom laid where she woke Were 13 photo frames Face down like the way she liked to be fucked, She left only one of me standing. In the picture I was being held by my Father On a beach I don’t recall But I never forgot that image, It comes to me when I’m loving Yet never when I fuck And I smell mandarins whenever I’m alone

Ranger 11-Oct-06/1:05 PM
Ummm...I kind of like this, but it feels unfinished. The imagery is solid, except maybe you could describe the ring a bit more, and also the picture. I really don't like the penultimate line, 'fuck' used up all its shock value the first time, stands out as a hard line end in amidst 6 soft endings, and the whole line seems unnecessary. I mean, what circumstances could there possibly be in which you did actually think of a picture of your father while having sex?
13 photo frames? Is the number significant, other than being unlucky?
Love the first two lines, and I think I like the last one too.




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