Replying to a comment on:

untitled (Free verse) by harryparatestes

i have liquid gardens filled with forgotten tears and painful memories its on the outside of infinity just past the road of missed opportunity's thats where i go plant my aching heart when its broken,shattered,and torn apart theres a devil in every bush a joker in every tree and angels on the breeze that weep for me its in the state of depression or self suggestion whatever suits you best

Dovina 2-Oct-06/3:47 PM
A good start, this. A good concept.

Forgotten tears seems to contradict with painful memories. And opportunities should replace the "y's" construct I think. Broken and shattered mean about the same thing. "thers" should be "there's"; "its", "it's".




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001