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Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) (Free verse) by Ranger

I took you there; you hated it – the steep uncertain climes (and sloping glades of grain) which turned from diamanté lens to drear in clicking like an oaken farmhouse door. -It was no stream of sun – but skewing cloud And no-one seemed to know quite how it came to be so dark, or why it stayed so long The landscape threatened violence that day- as solar flowers threw their manes around with total disregard; the screaming slaves in chain-gang rows. A million beating fists would shatter stone and scatter glass in heaps beneath your feet, along the path you trod. You shut your eyes; it passed before you woke I told you it had left a ribbon track- the scent of water in an earthen pitch, and lizards leaping like a joyful king. But still you watched the crackling, heavy orb, like insects passed too soon for storm or grace an eye cast downwards – fractured morning ice of hurricane and tempest’s broken tide.

LilMsLadyPoet 1-Oct-06/3:37 PM
Least favorite line, for me, would have to be 'and lizards leaping like a joyful king." I have no idea why you stuck that in there.
After reading all the indecition and comments about this piece, it seems clear you are not done with this, and aren't even sure where you are going, or what you are truly saying here. I am wondering why you didn't stick to the opening theme of you taking her there. Familiar to you, disliked by her. How it is through your eyes, and how it is seen through hers. I think that is where this meant to go...and then it got lost in all the descriptive phrases, along the way. I'll be interested to see where this ends up, in the end.




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