LilMsLadyPoet28 Sep 2006

I am not sure that I required the intro...this piece didn't need 'setting up'. That said...this is a really strong piece on several merits. Word choice was Choice, good flow/rythm (getting better at that, aren't you?!), has a timeless feel to it, classic without being a repetitious example of classic form, held my interest very well, and painted a lovely picture...yes, I said lovely. I has a touch of morbidity, but only a touch that does not dwell concretely there. Fascinating and captivating. Think about submitting this one for publication. A few little fixes here and there may be needed:"To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn" I'd like to see written in a way that encouraged a better flow. To cover- maybe hide you, till the dawn...? I don't know how, but the dashes seem to call for more halting than I feel comfortable with. Also, you use commas and such, but not entirely. I think you could use one here: 'Still, you burn so white'
In fact, periods etc would probably be called for since you used>,;'...:) (Hence, the 9 vote)
The pieces that seem to come from the distant past, that read as if written in some far-away time and place, seem to be your forte'.
True to my own rule, I will vote and comment before I read what others voted and commented... but must admit I am anxious to see others' reactions.