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Shadows In Your Eyes (Free verse) by PoeticJustice

A shadow in your eyes A smile that is fake A piece of your heart dies In a world that we make. The darkness in your mind, The stalker does ensue, Secrets I might never find, Things you never knew. A laugh that sounds so cold, Love thats hidden away, Your soul's already sold, All the things we'll never say. Our love becomes your pain, Your family comes apart, And now I'm driving you insain, And it's breaking up my heart. I try to hold it all in, I put you in this place, I sometimes wish we could start again, As the tears stream down your face. I want to make you smile, It's all become so tough, I can't pick up the phone or dial, Our hearts wonder if we're enough. My love for you will never end, I hope the pain will sink away, With all the kisses we send, Come to my heart and stay.

Ranger 23-Sep-06/2:31 AM
It needs, well, structure. The rhythm's all over the place, which makes it difficult to read. A bit more invention with the rhymes wouldn't go amiss either - remember that rhyme is a rhythmic device and shouldn't be the primary concern. If you can't find a direct rhyme to fit the metre, rhyme loosely, no-one will be too concerned by it.




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