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Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) (Free verse) by Ranger

I took you there; you hated it – the steep uncertain climes (and sloping glades of grain) which turned from diamanté lens to drear in clicking like an oaken farmhouse door. -It was no stream of sun – but skewing cloud And no-one seemed to know quite how it came to be so dark, or why it stayed so long The landscape threatened violence that day- as solar flowers threw their manes around with total disregard; the screaming slaves in chain-gang rows. A million beating fists would shatter stone and scatter glass in heaps beneath your feet, along the path you trod. You shut your eyes; it passed before you woke I told you it had left a ribbon track- the scent of water in an earthen pitch, and lizards leaping like a joyful king. But still you watched the crackling, heavy orb, like insects passed too soon for storm or grace an eye cast downwards – fractured morning ice of hurricane and tempest’s broken tide.

Ranger 22-Sep-06/3:37 PM
You're right, there are too many 'its' in here - I hadn't thought of that when writing. 'Diamante lens-drear' = sky, 'clicking' of the first drops of rain, maybe clicking like a door makes it seem like there's only one - again, I didn't see that before.
Solar flowers/slaves/chain-gang = sunflowers. There's billions of the buggers down where this is set - so ordered, sullen even. The heavy orb is the face of a dying sunflower (they are enormous) - I wasn't sure of that passage though; again, I think it's the number (one sunflower, many insects). Will try to rectify that when I edit.

Never heard 'leapin' lizards' - is it just an exclamation? Americanisms can be super-funky although a few are confusing (like 'douchebag' - what's with that one?). Glad you like the metre, as always, thanks for the suggestions :-)




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