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The Clock and the Storm (Free verse) by cleverdevice

The weather is at war And crouches, brooding, on the hill-top Before beginning its relentless march Towards the house. I stand at the window And watch motionless, the only sound The resolute ticking of the grandfather clock Steadfast in near silence My only companion In the impending struggle soon to break Against the walls of this ancient house Centuries old. Daring to speak The house groans at the memories of past battles As trees in the field are brushed aside And cowed. In screams of anger Rain hurls itself at the windows And the wind scratches at the door Desperate to break in And scared, I step back, And turn. Stopping. Confronted by the clock, The aged custodian of this home Who will never flee. Older than the house He has seen the storms before Yet continues his defiant stare And the winds is hushed As the rain ceases. The storm, recognising its old adversary In deferance and respect Retreats.

ecargo 13-Sep-06/9:48 AM
I like the ideas and imagery in this but I think it might be more effective as a poem if you were to mix things up a bit; remove some of the more direct analogies and make them less explicit. Also, I think it might have more impact if you started in the midst of the storm--your second to last stanza would be a nice starting point, IMO:

"Older than the house,
he has seen storms before . . .

I think mixing up the time progression (however you do it--flashback, comparison with current state, whatever) makes for more interesting narratives.

Anyway--lots to work with here--some good imagery and good ideas.




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