Niphredil5 Sep 2006

Let me see if I get this. Are you saying, in a most tortuous manner, that you refuse to close your eyes when you kiss her?

If so, then I like the idea and the way you chose to express it, although the usage "my friend" is misleading if you are referring to a lover.
If not... well then I really didn't get it, and clarification would be welcome :-)

In any case, I think that there should be a stronger connection between the first and second parts of the poem (which are separated by "But I'm not complaining..."). I felt slightly jarred by the rough, seemingly unconnected transition.