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Let this world crumble to dust without you (Sonnet) by A_Dark_Calm

Let this world crumble to dust without you. For I cannot imagine such a world that exists without existing about you. Instead let this planet be promptly hurled into the sun and let the sun explode, consuming all the orbs in its fury and like this let the universe unfold and let it happen in a grateful hurry. Let everything there is soon disappear. Leave nothing but an endless quiet void. For like that void I am when you’re not here and nothing here for me can be enjoyed. But be with me my love and be my wife and I shall have a universe of life.

Ranger 4-Sep-06/12:29 AM
7 out of 14 is damn good, particularly if you're rhyming as well. Really, I don't think you need wholesale changes in here - you keep a good continuity thread going (something I rarely manage) and whereas I usually dont like so much repetition, here it works well. Perhaps 'Let everything there is soon disappear' would be a good one to edit - one gorgeous line in every ten is normally sufficient to keep the reader going.




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