Replying to a comment on:

Let this world crumble to dust without you (Sonnet) by A_Dark_Calm

Let this world crumble to dust without you. For I cannot imagine such a world that exists without existing about you. Instead let this planet be promptly hurled into the sun and let the sun explode, consuming all the orbs in its fury and like this let the universe unfold and let it happen in a grateful hurry. Let everything there is soon disappear. Leave nothing but an endless quiet void. For like that void I am when you’re not here and nothing here for me can be enjoyed. But be with me my love and be my wife and I shall have a universe of life.

Ranger 4-Sep-06/12:08 AM
I love a) the title b) the rhymes c) lines 3, 4, 5, 6 and the final two d) most of the content. Don't turn it into a haiku, haikus suck most of the time whereas I personally love a good old-fashioned form :-) I do think Dovina has a point - probably because there is so much abstractness in here (universe, 'let it happen', everything etc.). If you could build in a few more solid images to give me something tactile, I would love this more :-)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001