Replying to a comment on:

Deliberate Exclusion (Free verse) by MacFrantic

My eyes are canals and causeways that are constantly feeding. Sunlight spills into them and rocky outcroppings protrude to sever my illusions. But I'm not complaining about that. I'm arrested by the words: a sickeningly obsequious barrage. You're shameful and restitute behind your goodness, my friend. There shall not be a deliberate exclusion when we kiss. Not if I can help it. You shall remain as you are, yourself.

Dovina 1-Sep-06/12:13 PM
This "Prose Poem" is too vague and lacks punch. Apparently her shameful obsequiousness is the narrator's objection. Why not make that clearly poignant?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001