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Suicide Dream (Free verse) by Ranger

"...so he swam, collarless and torn to seek a swift escape from the ceaseless song of crickets; the voice of madness calling. When barely more than quarter of a league had passed he paused and saw again a body floating by the bank. Slender in her dark green dress stood a silent lily, the flower of death and the coffin's call. He breathed slowly..." Peace lily, midnight pool Pale candle, rippled shawl You, your tilted head A weighted flame With nothing but a silken skein for warmth To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn No creature stirs Still you burn so white And seeds are shed as stepping stones To catch the waxing moon That pastel photograph of you Peace lily, midnight pool Green-leaf lover, waterfall How you despised the way your colours ran Yet there was something in the skin Of your reflection after dark To make you watch and wait and wonder As it spun a stem of silver In the wake of parted twilight Like a mirror, after dark Peace lily, midnight pool Ashen eyes, plate-glass pall I return; your head is bowed To tumble down and stare straight past the weeds Where you were sketched on water's edge Vertical and buried, straw-like Snapped by your own hand A broken sceptre crowned in bloodied skies Before the peace And insects' song singing for the wise

Ranger 26-Aug-06/4:31 AM
Really, I'm still not sure whether you actually believe what you say, or whether this is just a spot of light trolling to while away the hours. I am undoubtedly a sick boy in need of professional help. I am undoubtedly the single worst poet this planet has ever churned out of its innards. I undoubtedly had far less of a vocabulary last Tuesday than you had thirteen seconds after you were born. God was certainly asleep when I was conceived - there can be no other explanation for my existence on this good and green earth. But think; if I am an arrogant bastard, do you really expect me to take you seriously when all you're doing is hurling angry abuse at me? Moreover, angry abuse after having not read a single thing I've said. Maybe next time I will actually learn something? How many more times do I have to say it? - I was trying to learn something from her. I put a critique up, if it had been fundamentally flawed then any poet worth their salt would have corrected me. The fact that everyone else who read it agreed with me ought to imply that I was at least making a valid point. If you don't find my poem clever, that's fine with me. I'm open to criticism and suggestion. You have yet to give me anything that I can learn from though. What, precisely, would you change about this? My original comment was that you had posted a comment (my own comment) which was invalid because everything contained within had been adhered to in the poem. I still stand by that. If you want to point out examples of where I am wrong, in a sustained critique I will listen gladly.

As for being insulting, well I disagree entirely. I would not have been upset at receiving the comment I posted if it was relevant (which it was when I posted it). What is insulting, however, as a lover of the poetry of Kipling, Coleridge, Dark Angel and zodiac, is for someone to arrive on this site preaching about being a professional, published poet, and then rhyming 'mattered' with 'splattered'. Merely bothering to take the time that I did to comment at all was a compliment to the poet. This is not about a good guy/bad guy situation. As far as I am concerned, I posted a critique and have given it justification. As far as you are concerned, I am a retarded, talentless, vain, thoughtless, ugly, insecure cunt to whom you don't need to give any specific justification for your outbursts. Now, are you going to calm down and talk or not?




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