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Water (Free verse) by Caducus

Born with her water on his face, freed from umbilical shackles he was named ‘Madoowbe’ I wanted to share that with you. His father was a green man. He left black women red leaving life and death in wombs and kinder death to men from blade. ‘Madoowbe’ and his Mother walked for water, taking turns to walk in their shadows Until the shimmering turned blue and sand was bludgeoned by hooves. When Madoowbe’s Mother got sick she went to the white man who took her blood, days later she died with water on her face her name was ‘Jamila’ I wanted to share that with you. Madoowbe walked for water. Gazelles had wiped away his Mothers footprints. He took his blind Grandmothers hand spilling water in her mouth, he wanted to share it with her.

Ranger 26-Aug-06/2:22 AM
Love the idea behind this - 'I wanted to share that with you' gives this a really solid air of tribal storytelling. In general, I prefer names not to have quote marks around them (to me it disrupts the flow). Also, for some reason I'd prefer line 13 to read 'Madoowbe's mother fell sick' - I don't think you need 'when' at all there. Overall rather good though.




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