Poemranker [Replying] Sat Apr 27 12:52:12 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Beyond Redemption (Free verse) by creepshow

Each passing day, I reflect, meditate, I realize no matter how much I despise, No matter how much I hate, makes no difference. When I expose my inner emotions, Making wide open my intentions, I suffer your rejections. My frustration overwhelming, I continue to examine why I am tied to you. Thinking outloud how to hurt you. Contemplating ways to unleash my aggressiveness. Precious martyr, induce me father. I hate your cheap absolution. A better revenge there is none; You are beyond love for eternity. A better climax there is one; Your life in my hands, you are beyond redemption.

Ranger

26-Aug-06/2:05 AM

I thought I'd commented on your work before, but it seems I was mistaken. You've definitely got the inspiration for writing - you clearly know what you want to write about, darker feelings and thoughts. Having that sort of direction is fairly essential and I myself lack it on many occasions. What holds you back - in my opinion - is that you constrain yourself to talking about abstract things ('despise', 'hate', 'inner emotions' etc.) which, although comrehensible, seem very vague and sometimes basic. I mean, we all feel some of these things at some time - your job is to try and make us feel them here and now. This is where careful use of imagery and descriptive innovation comes in. For instance, I love 'Precious martyr, induce me father' but really dislike 'I hate your cheap absolution'. I'd love to see this less abstract and more tactile - you are certainly able enough :-)

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