Ranger12 Aug 2006

In such a short piece it's usually a good idea not to repeat the same word (meaning) if possible - it gives the impression of a lack of imagination (which you clearly don't lack, if these poems are anything to go by).

I'd change 'meaninglessness' (a bit unpoetic?), 'mind's eye' (cliche) and 'where love lies freely, unleashed (doesn't add anything to the poem for me). Liked the first line and 'I stared at the sun to form the blur' a lot :-)