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Suicide Dream (Free verse) by Ranger

"...so he swam, collarless and torn to seek a swift escape from the ceaseless song of crickets; the voice of madness calling. When barely more than quarter of a league had passed he paused and saw again a body floating by the bank. Slender in her dark green dress stood a silent lily, the flower of death and the coffin's call. He breathed slowly..." Peace lily, midnight pool Pale candle, rippled shawl You, your tilted head A weighted flame With nothing but a silken skein for warmth To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn No creature stirs Still you burn so white And seeds are shed as stepping stones To catch the waxing moon That pastel photograph of you Peace lily, midnight pool Green-leaf lover, waterfall How you despised the way your colours ran Yet there was something in the skin Of your reflection after dark To make you watch and wait and wonder As it spun a stem of silver In the wake of parted twilight Like a mirror, after dark Peace lily, midnight pool Ashen eyes, plate-glass pall I return; your head is bowed To tumble down and stare straight past the weeds Where you were sketched on water's edge Vertical and buried, straw-like Snapped by your own hand A broken sceptre crowned in bloodied skies Before the peace And insects' song singing for the wise

Ranger 1-Aug-06/12:20 AM
Bravo, sir, bravo! I bow down before your mastery of ironic resubmitting of my own comment. How could I have ever been so naive as to believe this may be a decent poem? How could I have ever been so arrogantly callous as to attempt critiquing a poet who has achieved the lofty heights of publication? Clearly such a being is beyond my mortal comprehension.

But wait...

If you had actually read this piece, you would have seen that I have followed every single guideline set down in that comment. You would have also read the comment in its original context and noted with abject disbelief that I had spent a considerable amount of time constructing a considerate, honest and polite critique. I wouldn't usually bother giving that much time (which I don't have right now) to a newcomer posting poetry like that, but I hoped that it would spark some discussion from a published poet who absoutely *must* have received a few critiques in their time, and I could therefore learn from. Instead...I got slathered in what closely resembles the brownly pumpings of a rusted snatchwagon. Your inability to read comments leaves me less-than-full of hope for your ability to read poetry. The mere fact that I didn't jizz myself over your friend's attempts at poetry is no reason to insult me. I was thoughtful, honest and polite to her; if you aren't going to return the gesture then kindly leave me alone -bow'ls-




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