Replying to a comment on:

Jennifer Logan (Free verse) by rahson_s

Since day one we measured love through the eyes of our parents respectfully, on the other side of the tracks is where we sought this habit entitled love, I can't help but wonder who's responsible for bringing two of the world's greatest together, some say God listens to all rumors, pillow talk and whispers, his patience similar to our dedication to his son, provided we both worship different Gods, our bond prepares us for an after life we both never dare to question, we live for today, in your eyes I see my future clearly, a wife, children, a house with a finished basement for me and my friends, just think, I was fourteen when we first spoke, eighteen when I asked to borrow your pen and twenty two when our eyes met and we both took notice, thereafter we became one, focused and never to be disturbed by friends, family or those who envied our understanding, like your ex boyfriend, mother and her new boyfriend, regardless to what they say may we lay early and sleep late, kiss but never confess, make love yet never climax, because of you I see why God made woman and why my mother then made me, as long as I'm able to appreciate love I'll always keep my promise to hold you, call you and place you first, I love you Jennifer Logan, just because _________________

Dovina 10-Jul-06/11:06 AM
You've got a touching story here and some good finished lines - "God listens to rumors, pillow talk and whispers" for example. As it stands, though, it's more of a story or prose poem than a free verse poem. That's ok and may suit your style better. To make it more poem-like, go for brevity and haunting truth couched in flowing words.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001