Ranger10 Jul 2006

Decent concept, I can't argue with it. Strong rhythm and rhyme, well constructed. But I'd agree with Dovina...putting 'God' and 'sin' together will always make it seem like you're just out to have a go at Christianity - which ultimately detracts focus from the poem. How about:

Rosalina, surely
Spinning from
The ferris-wheel operator's
Untimely sinning